Don't read this..it'll be too long

It's almost September. This means fall is creeping in.
The nights filled with cool air open my head and let all these memories pour out.
Autumn is my favorite time of year. Period. I can't really explain what this season does to me but it's nuts.

I drove home to Westy tonight with my sun roof open but heat on low because the breeze was chilly, and a song came on that reminded me of the past. It just jogged my memory of when I was with Tom. The song and smell of the air reminded me of a day when we were walking down the streets of Keene, hand in hand, drinking cider as the dried leaves crinkled under our feet. Thinking about this made me cry like a fucking sappy bitch. It was bittersweet. For one it reminded me how happy I used to be and how awesome it is to be in love. On the other hand it sucked realizing I don't have that in my life anymore and I'll have to spend another fall by myself. I don't have time for a boyfriend and I don't want to force finding one. But it was nice rememeber how safe I felt wrapped up with him. How comfortable I felt laying on the porch under a blanket just looking at the stars.

Ugh I dunno I just feel weird right now.

I feel out of step. Outsiders may not see it but I feel so off kilter! Like ..I don't know. Everything is so routine right now and yet I feel so all over the place I'm on my way to making my dream reality but I feel really lost. Almost empty feeling. Basically I feel like shit kinda. I need to get out of my own head. Being home I thought would be good for me but it just made me realize how much i'm NOT ready to let go of my family, friends, and life up here. I hate change. I hate it so fucking bad! I'm having serious issues dealing with the fact that i'm not back at Keene right now. My roommate is there for the semester and i'm super jealous. I miss a lot about that place and although I really like the girls at TiGi...they don't compare to the friends I have and miss terribly. Fuck. No one understands where i'm at right now and the more I dwell on the situation that remains unchangeable, the more fucked up I feel about everything.

I need to stop.

Restaurants and Salons

I have never been so busy in my whole life...and no i'm not complaining...i'm so fucking thankful to 1. have a job and 2. be able to start doing what i love most. HOWEVER, that being said...i'm so fucking drained and have no life.
Let me give you a rundown on my Providence lifestyle (starting with today):

Sunday: work 4-11
Monday: work 4-11
Tuesday: school 8-4 //on call for work
Wednesday: school 8-4
Thursday: school 8-4 // work 5-12am
Friday: school 8-4 // work 5:30-10
Saturday: school 8-4 // on call

Sunday: work 11:30 til whenever
Monday: work 4:30-12am
Tuesday: school 8-4 // on call for work
Wednesday: school 8-4 //
Thursday: school 8-4// work 4- 12am
Friday: school 8-4 //work 4:30 til 10
Saturday: school 8-4 // maybe seeing blink if i can get tickets


so basically i have sunday/monday afternoons to hang or wed night. COOL.
weekends are non existent to me.

But I really like a lot of the girls at TiGi. So im hoping at some point we can start hanging out if i ever don't work like right after class.