Nobody likes you when you're 23.

Whoa. This week has been a fucking trip. So much good mixed with bad that I can't even decide if it equals out to being a good week.The Good:

+ I got to assist another advanced education at Toni and Guy and got to hang with some amazing hairdressers that I look up to

+ Got a Keratin treatment on my hair and its SO much healthier

+ I worked at Providence Style week doing hair for the runway

+ Saw PBC and Lemuria on Friday night

+ Mental break from working at the restaurant

+ Friends are home from tour for a weekish

The Bad:

- I lost money by not working all week

- I turned my love, Lisa's hair purple which resulted in her cutting off her platinum hair off and dying it jet black. fucking fail.

- I realized it's been a year since Ricky has died. This one really kills me. I think about him every single day and wish I could just wrap my arms around him. His picture will forever stay in my wallet. They say 'out of sight out of mind' but I never want him that for him.

- I'm almost done at Toni and Guy. 1 week left. I'm going to miss SO many outstanding people

arighaeurghjaergjerag

I want to go to Six Flags on Friday. and I need to book my flight to Arkansas.

I also need to get my license for RI and then MA. ASAP!!!!!!!! so I can start at Shag..I hope?

61 years

Well it was bound to happen.
January 2010 has shit on so many people already...that it was only a matter of time before things got rocky for me.
My grandpa died a week ago and the whole situation has really fucked with me. I've been to a fair share of wakes and funerals...including 2 close friends but I have yet to feel the mourning of a family member so close to me. It's been hard for me to deal with..but I feel like i'm being selfish by being upset. Afterall...I didn't lose my companion of 61 years. It breaks my heart to see my Yaya widowed. So painful to sit and watch my grandmother weep in distress over the loss of her husband. Fuck. It's so upsetting and I fear getting married because I to will face this fate. I understand its a part of life but it still hard to swallow the idea of your love dying on you and leaving you alone after a few decades.

But you know what...when/if i'm going to get married it's going to be the real deal. I want to have a husband for 50+ years. I want my love life to be comparable to the "old days". I want a guy who will open my doors and help me put my jacket on. I posted this on FB a little bit ago and it elicited 100+ comments...most people saying "chivalry is dead. Well I think they're wrong. There has to be an old soul out there like myself who wants things done the old fashioned way still. I'm all about progression, technology and the future. But people forget and move beyond the great things of the past. Morals. Values. Thoughts. Even the music was different, how people treated one another. I definitely was born in the wrong era. Maybe I appreciate the vintage days because I was raised on a lot of stuff from the 50's and 60's. I spent a lottt of time with my grandparents and I wasn't watching Barney or Sesame Street. I was watching Laverne and Shirly, Happy Days, I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, Meet Me In St. Louis, etc. And we sat in the living room listening to his old records. Legit vinyls. I only want kids if they are raised how I was. No Hannah Montana or bullshit of the sort. They won't be listening to the trash on the radio either. I'll throw on some Sam Cooke and Ella Fitzgerald because that music is real.

I don't even now. There's s much on my mind!

WHOA... what a tangent. Moral of that rant: I miss my fucking grandpa. I miss everything about him and I'm thankful to have known someone so amazing for 23 years. Some kids don't know there grandparents at all. Some only had 10 years with them. And some never built relationships like the one I have with mine. I truly am thankful. Instead of being sad I should be happy that I had as much time with him as I did. And I should be happy to have been raised the way that I have.

I want to rewind and say goodbye.

I'm feeling pretty down right about now. Woke up at 8:30am to a phone call relaying terrible news. It's probably not a good thing that when I get a phone call that early I automatically know what the call is. It's just trying to figure out who the calls about before they tell me that's the hard part.

For a town as small as mine and a class that's even smaller there's no fucking reason why 4 of my classmates have died 2 of which were good friends. Ricky is such a sweetheart. Always smiling, upbeat and cracking jokes about you to your face cause it's funny.

If only I had known you were at the Bistro last night I would have come in for a drink, a hug and a goodbye. Everyone who knew you will miss you because you were so fun to be around, always positive too. You and Jim were one in the same. Both of you were such awesome fucking people who never said a bad word about anyone and in turn no one could say anything bad about you. People always tend to say that when someone dies but with you (and Jim) its the truth, and losing both of you affects a ton of people (sadly the same group of kids).

I'm devastated that you can't make fun of me anymore or meet up for a few drinks but i'm lucky enough to have shared the past 10 years with you snowboarding, hanging at Scotty's beach and boozing. It's too bad that poor choices lead to poor consequences. If you knew how much you meant to so many people maybe things would have ended differently.

Every day I will drive by that spot and think of you. That spot will remind me how valuable life is and how good it is to have close friends.

Now Jim will have some company and you guys can laugh and keep a watchful eye on the rest of us. I'll see you in my dreams cause Jim always pops in to wave and say hi. We'll miss you terribly Ricky.