61 years

Well it was bound to happen.
January 2010 has shit on so many people already...that it was only a matter of time before things got rocky for me.
My grandpa died a week ago and the whole situation has really fucked with me. I've been to a fair share of wakes and funerals...including 2 close friends but I have yet to feel the mourning of a family member so close to me. It's been hard for me to deal with..but I feel like i'm being selfish by being upset. Afterall...I didn't lose my companion of 61 years. It breaks my heart to see my Yaya widowed. So painful to sit and watch my grandmother weep in distress over the loss of her husband. Fuck. It's so upsetting and I fear getting married because I to will face this fate. I understand its a part of life but it still hard to swallow the idea of your love dying on you and leaving you alone after a few decades.

But you know what...when/if i'm going to get married it's going to be the real deal. I want to have a husband for 50+ years. I want my love life to be comparable to the "old days". I want a guy who will open my doors and help me put my jacket on. I posted this on FB a little bit ago and it elicited 100+ comments...most people saying "chivalry is dead. Well I think they're wrong. There has to be an old soul out there like myself who wants things done the old fashioned way still. I'm all about progression, technology and the future. But people forget and move beyond the great things of the past. Morals. Values. Thoughts. Even the music was different, how people treated one another. I definitely was born in the wrong era. Maybe I appreciate the vintage days because I was raised on a lot of stuff from the 50's and 60's. I spent a lottt of time with my grandparents and I wasn't watching Barney or Sesame Street. I was watching Laverne and Shirly, Happy Days, I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, Meet Me In St. Louis, etc. And we sat in the living room listening to his old records. Legit vinyls. I only want kids if they are raised how I was. No Hannah Montana or bullshit of the sort. They won't be listening to the trash on the radio either. I'll throw on some Sam Cooke and Ella Fitzgerald because that music is real.

I don't even now. There's s much on my mind!

WHOA... what a tangent. Moral of that rant: I miss my fucking grandpa. I miss everything about him and I'm thankful to have known someone so amazing for 23 years. Some kids don't know there grandparents at all. Some only had 10 years with them. And some never built relationships like the one I have with mine. I truly am thankful. Instead of being sad I should be happy that I had as much time with him as I did. And I should be happy to have been raised the way that I have.