My life as an outline.

So I graduate college in 11 fucking days.
This is the most uneasy i've probably ever felt. ever.
It's like the past 7-8 years i've had this plan. An "outline" per say.


I. Highschool
a. apply to college
b. get accepted
c. enjoy your last summer

II. College
a. buy dorm furnishings
b. pick a major and minor
c. make friends
d. graduate

III. Life
a. ? move out
b. ? get a new job
c. ? go to hair school
c. leave my dad behind
d. find a new comfort zone

It's as if my computer crashed in the middle of typing roman number three.
I have an idea of what it should look like...but I can't quite remember what order and details that follow.

damn.

As of late...

This is how i feel.

Erase my dreams

I'm fucking sick of dreaming.
They make me miserable they are always too realistic and generally not positive.
I wake up feeling anxious and depressed.
I hate them. I hate them. I hate them.

I think the reason for some is because you're still on my dumb brain all the time!
Leaving things the way they were left..with no apology or explanation keeps the wheels in my head turning..looking for a logical reason as to why things turned out the way they did.

I've done nothing but be awesome, fun, reasonable and giving.
Maybe you're not used to females having good qualities?

I don't know-but I wish I did

deliciousness

Lack of Spontanaiety

I like to think that i'm spontaneous..for some reason that seems like a fun quality I'd like to have.
But I've realized i'm NOT. At all.
In fact i'm super anxious when it comes to doing something that isn't in my realm.

I'm going to try and "live a little".
I should be heading back to college soon to get some work done.
But I was invited to go see He Is Legend in Natick tonight..and i'm going. This seems like no big deal to any normal person, but i'm having anxiety about not getting work done. I don't even have class today!! I feel as though i'm going to miss something important by not being at school when i'm supposed to be.

I'm so stupid, i'm not missing out on anything!
I don't have class.
I don't even have my own computer with assignments I could be working on.
Yet, I can tell my heart is beating a little faster than normal..and it will be all day. FML.
Why does my anxiety always stop me from doing anything fun?

Misery Loves Company

I've been fine. Up until I realized you still existed and now I feel really bummed.
I've been good at that "out of sight-out of mind" concept. But I blew it.

I feel fucking sick to my stomach and I hate it. It feels like a rock is just sitting in my gut and getting heavier and heavier as the thoughts hit my brain. Mother fucker.
You're an idiot.
The thing that sucks is that I'm usually the one who pulls this crap...and now it's being done to me and it sucks.
--
Regression is for the weak. I hope you're happy

I like when my friends take my picture!

gkwan is actually like good at photography..unlike a lot of peeps.
scope it.